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Männer, sagte ich und seufzte oder: KLEINES ZWANGHAFTES NOTIZBUCH IM SCHWEBEZUSTAND ÜBER DER STADT

Men, I said and sighed or: LITTLE OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE NOTEBOOK IN SUSPENSION FLOATING ABOVE THE CITY

November 2023 - May 2024

⚠️ Content includes cis m*n, ableism, academia, trans*phobia, capitalism, parental abuse, OCD and OCPD (lots of obsessions-compulsions, and this whole thing is one), violent intrusive thoughts, mentions of self-harm, suicide and so on – the usual stuff. Please proceed with caution. ⚠️

[While formatting, I realized in embarrassment that I have basically written two entire books with each more than 300 pages out of obsession-compulsion against my will, I did nothing else than battling this text for the past weeks, and I am so very exhausted. The downloadable executable version of this text dump thing, while probably the better experience with the videos and all, is still very rough and messy one, I followed some nice tutorials by Christina Creates Games [1] [2] as well as Pixelbug Studio. I APOLOGIZE TO MYSELF FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO DO BETTER THAN THIS RIGHT NOW.]


🌺(felt hot & gyrly*-gæy, but might delete later (no i won't 💅))🌺


"My experience as a disabled academic in the competitive world of higher education has led me to question the ableism within academia but also within the professional employment we are preparing or ‘training’ our students for. We count our students in and count them out, and assume they are on a linear trajectory to professional graduate employment. However, this is not always the case for the disabled student."  - Elisabeth Griffiths, 'But you don‘t look disabled’: Non-visible disabilities, disclosure and being an 'insider' in disability research and 'other' in the disability movement and academia (Griffiths 2020), pp. 137-138.

"Arguments that take as a prerequisite that capital and finance exist as they are, and must at most be rebalanced, ignore the revolutionary potential of recognizing the economic system as only a transitory social order for the allocation and distribution of resources and activities. What is latent in welfare systems has revolutionary potential if we can imagine the reformation of the political economy around the social determinants of health. We will not produce any form of genuine liberation if we think of welfare as only a safety net or a temporary protection as we await a revolution-kept-theoretical. Instead, the question is: what are the social and material needs of all? How can we allocate resources and activity in order to meet those needs, including and in particular the needs of those seen as the far 'edge cases‘ of the system? The only way to spur a genuine liberation is to assure care even for the most vulnerable, those at the most extreme margins. To borrow from Black feminist thought, we mean to bring the margins to the middle." - Beatrice Adler-Bolton and Artie Vierkant, Health Communism (Adler-Bolton et al. 2022, pp. 22-23, emphasis in italics in the original)

habe die ganze Nacht in Aufwallung immer wieder Notizen gemacht also kaum geschlafen […] - Friederike Mayröcker, ich sitze nur GRAUSAM da (Mayröcker 2012, p. 18, emphasis in italics in the original)

Und plötzlich dachte ich: Es wäre einmal tatsächlich über ALLES zu schreiben [...].“ - Wolfram Lotz, Heilige Schrift I

bloß nicht rumsuhlen im Alten“ - Rainald Goetz, Abfall für Alle

Diese Rituale der Selbstentbößung habe ich im Blick, wenn ich von Internet-Theatralität im weiten Sinn spreche.“ - Mike Sandbothe, Theatrale Aspekte des Internet. Prolegomena zu einer zeichentheoretischen Analyse theatraler Textualität

Politik wird nur noch als symbolische Inszenierung in den Medien erfahrbar […].“ - Erika Fischer-Lichte, Einleitung: Theatralität als kulturelles Modell

Die Künstler[*innen] sollen krepieren.“ - Tadeusz Kantor

Mensch mir bleibt am Anfang ja auf einmal schon die Spucke weg! 15.000 Hallo! Wahnsinn! Schon wieder ein Jahr rum? Ohne Witz! – Am Anfang, du kommst hier raus – vielleicht ist es auch weil ich älter werde – da kommste hier an – die Spucke ist schon komplett weg! Aber wir freuen uns! Wir sind wieder hier live in Köln! - Heidi in Das ist der Tag, von dem ihr noch euern Enkelkindern erzählen werdet by Gregor Weichbrodt and Grischa Stanjek

"This is not for you." – Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves


THIS IS A POETIC TEXT / THIS IS A MESSY TEXT / THOUGHT DUMP / MEME DUMP / INFO DUMP / MULTIMEDIA ARTIFACT / ABOUT MEN / ABOUT CAPITALISM / ABOUT ACADEMIA / ABOUT THAT YOUTUBE PLAGIARISM CASE / ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH / ÜBER DEN DEUTSCHEN LITERATURBETRIEB / A TEXT THAT I'VE WORKED ON FOR QUITE SOME TIME / FOLLOW-UP TO ONE OF MY ARTISTIC INSTAGRAM TRIPTYCHONS

also thought dump!!! for example about art!!!

maybe read this text as a stage play!!!

application + book!!!! go download the book too, especially as it slightly differs from the content of the application!!!! both are equally cool and unique and provide other modes of reading this text/watching these videos/looking at the memes etc!!!!

TWINE!!!! YEAH!!11!!1!!!!! (NOOO I DON’T KNOW HOW TO USE THIS IT IS AAARGH NO THIS IS NO NO NO I DON’T HAVE TIME TO LEARN THIS I HAVE WAY TO MANY ASTERISKS IT TOTALLY MESSES WITH THE FORMATTING ALREADY IN THE FIRST SECTIONS I GO BACK TO UNITY FOR NOW I AM VERY ANGRY AT MYSELF AS THIS TEXT WAS PLANNED FOR TWINE :((( - i found twine so utterly hard and clunky to use, so i went back to unity, sorryyyyy) (still, i tried my best to compress this into a web build, but it didn’t work out.)

ICH HABE GEKÄMPFT MIT EINEM MONSTRUM AN TEXT

well hi! it's been some tough months full of zwänge!!! (and everything will probably always get worse, or better, both at the same time :3)

initially, i just wanted to write a short and silly text about m*n, but it kinda escalated into a more fragmented thought dump. now it is about m*n, but also about lots of other things.


dEbÜTrOmAn

BLESSING AUS DEM INTERNET

1000 STUPID LITTLE DELUSIONAL THOUGHTS OR STH

FOR YOU IT’S A FUN THING / FOR ME IT’S A ZWANG THING

ARTISTIC PRACTICE AS INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS

THIS IS A TEXT THAT IS TOO MUCH

THE MECHANIC OF OBSESSION-COMPULSION IS REPETITON

I HAD TO CROSS OUT SOME REFERENCES BECAUSE I JUST COULDN’T WORK ON THIS TEXT ANY LONGER I WILL REFERENCE THEM SOMEWHERE ELSE OK OK OK OK

READ THIS AS A COLLECTION OF TWXXTS, OKAY????? / THIS TEXT HERE DOESN’T COUNT AS A REAL TEXT, OKAY?????  / (ALSO PERSONAL UPDATE)

THERE IS NO GRASS TO GO TOUCH, BECAUSE GRASS IS NOT REAL

I AM MOST MENTALLY SANE ITCH.IO USER

YEAH, I'VE BEEN COOKING SOMETHING!!! WAKE UP BABE, NEW WORRYING INTERNET CONTENT JUST DROPPED!!!

MAY THE INTERNET GØDS HAVE MERCY WITH ME / AND MAY I MANAGE TO FINISH MY DEGREE NOW / (AFTERWARDS I NEED A BREAK OR I BREAK)

MY MOST MENTAL TEXT / MY REALEST TEXT

gesammelte notizen zu m*nnern // collected notes on m*n

ein kurzer poetischer hypertext über (cis) männer & gay stuff, abstrahiert bebildert // a short & silly poetic hypertext about (cis) men & gay stuff, abstractly illustrated

ein text mit erstaunlich vielen tierbilders

ein text der pendelt zwischen dem beobachtendem, dem nachdenklichen, dem abgestoßenem, dem strukturellen, dem zärtlichen und dem homoerotischen.

this took so long to write????? i wanted to have this done in november, but no, no, no, november?????

The worst thing as a writer is stuff like memory & thought hoarding, rumination OCD, and the hoarding of references/research material, because there is just never an end to it all, never-ending work without progress. Fiction writing is just much easier then.

I apologize that this text isn’t more coherently edited. In the beginning it was, but then it became such an absolute mess that it wasn’t really possible. But this text had to be finished nonetheless. I spent an extra month just finally putting the script together, a month that I should have spent on my master’s thesis instead. I couldn’t continue with anything before this text was finished and done, otherwise my brain would have exploded. At the same time, I figured that this text needs a form that mirrors, and thus performs, my usual never-ending mental spiraling and neurotic walks through my apartment. I guess this form best reflects this. If I would have to edit everything into a neuronormatively constructed coherent form, this text simply just wouldn’t exist.

I AM SITTING IN FRONT OF MY COMPUTER AND PRAYING TO IT

I APOLOGIZE

This text contains both my own original memes as well as lots of memes from the internet. External material like videos and memes can by identified as they are credited, as well as listed down in my ✨memeography✨.

TOUCHING GRASS IS NOT ENOUGH I NEED TO SCREAM TEXT INTO THE INTERNET


YES YES I DID SOME BREATHING EXERCISES (WRITING A 150 300 PAGES TEXT x2)

Explicit autobiographic writing is very distressing to me, as it breaks aesthetic rules by default. I do not like asking for money at all, I deeply despise it, and it of course too breaks rules, but, you know, the world we live in. So, in case you feel generous, and have the means, feel free to donate.

It is easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism, and it is easier to imagine the end of capitalism than an OCPDer changing themself.



I AM VIBING IN WAYS YOU COULDN'T EVEN IMAGINE


(delayed release due to servers being down on may 27th - wait when i wrote the part with "until their servers explode" i didn't - wait i didn't - wait i didn't - wait i didn't-)


* * * * *

[CLICK FOR MORE RAMBLINGS/ARTIST STATEMENT]

I was yet again attacked by a cis female professor calling me "lazy" and worse stuff and I spiraled over lots of months in the very forseeable OCPD way of self-harm-working, resulting in apparently writing a book out of obsession-compulsion. And there aren’t really any structures at this university to fight back against those instances of abuse of power where an individual’s transphobia even results in an unjustifiably negative grading of students, despite delivering better and more work than the others.

During my bachelor’s I wasn’t able to write as much as I wanted to, because I had to constantly deal with the bullsh*t of structural ableist and trans*phobic discrimination at Hildesheim university. At Erfurt I exmatriculated because of that. And now at Weimar it is the same sh!t all over again. I really am on the brink of collapsing. I REALLY WOULD LOVE TO JUST MAKE ART INSTEAD OF BEING EXHAUSTED BY YOUR DISCRIMINATORY BULLSH*T. And this is exactly what the function of discrimination is: to exhaust us, to distract us, to prevent us from achieving anything in life by draining our energy with the most unnecessary sh!t ever that the most incompetent people ever be throwing at us.

UNIVERSITÄTEN SIND TOTAL BEKLOPPTE ORTE / DER GANZE ADULTISMUS  / DER GANZE ABLEISMUS / IHR WERDET NOCH GERICHTET WERDEN

ALL MY HOMOS DISLIKE BAUHAUS / ALL MY HOMOS FEEL VERY AMBIVALENT ABOUT BAUHAUS

Universitäten haben Themen, und dann muss ich irgendwas zu Themen machen, die mich absolut zu null Prozent interessieren, eine innere Lobotomie ist diese Blödheit. Und Leute an allen Universitäten jemals verkaufen dir das dann auch noch als Freiheit, dass du zwischen Sachen, die dich allesamt überhaupt gar nicht interessieren, irgendwas wählen kannst, na vielen Dank auch. Und um dir nebenbei wenigstens einen kleinen Funken an ECHTER Kunst und AUTONOMIE zu bewahren und nicht völlig durchzudrehen, nimmst du NEBENBEI ZUSÄTZLICH dann noch an irgendwelchen Game Jams teil, was dich auch noch weiter VON DER EIGENTLICHEN KUNST ablenkt. Und dann wird deine Arbeit, die unter den schlimmsten Umständen entsteht, dazu auch noch von irgendwelchem dahergelaufenen Universitätspersonal beleidigt, seelenlose Liberalo-NPCs, die ja offensichtlich von der hintersten Müllhalde Gottes* aufgesammelt wurden – Es ist schlimm. ICH GRATULIERE ALLEN MENSCHEN GANZ HERZLICH DIE PRIVILEGIERT GENUG DAFÜR SIND, IN DIESER ABSOLUTEN VERBLÖDUNG AN KUNSTUNIVERSITÄTEN ÜBER DIE JAHRE NICHT KOMPLETT DURCHZUDREHEN, WIE LIEBEND GERNE WÜRDE AUCH ICH DIESEN ZUSTAND DER ABSOLUTEN IGNORANZ ERREICHEN KÖNNEN. Selbst in Hildesheim waren die Studierenden nicht so arg feige und langweilig wie Leute an der Bauhaus-Universität. Wahrscheinlich die allergrößte Ansammlung an akademischer Langeweile, die mir an einer Kunsthochschule begegnet ist.

OCPDs rules for art creation forbid me to copy or reproduce an already existent artwork without making a substantial artistic innovative thing of my own out of it. And still some art teacher tells me that I am too little experimental and only following standards, you really cannot make this sh!t up *laughs in OCPD*

ICH WERDE MICH UND MEINE ARBEIT NICHT VON CIS FRAUEN BELEIDIGEN LASSEN!!!! UND VON CIS MÄNNERN SCHON GAR NICHT.

I AM RUNNING UP THIS FUGGING HILL TO MAKE A SILLY LIL DEAL WITH MYSELF!!!!

ALL OF MY SCREEN PLAYS AND STAGE PLAYS HAVE BEEN REJECTED!!!! WHAT A GREAT TIME TO BE ALIVE YOU FUCKS!!!!

I AM TOO DUMB FOR SCIENCE AND TOO BAD FOR ART BUT STILL HERE I AM U FUCKERS!!!!

COMPLICATED ACADEMIC WORDS? I DON’T UNDERSTAND THEM, EVEN IF SOMEONE EXPLAINS THEM TO ME, SO WHAT!!!!

PAID ACADEMIC PUBLICATION PLATFORM FOR LUDIC ARTISTIC RESEARCH ARTIFACTS WHEN 👉👈

Mentally dis_abled people are precisely kicked out of academia as we fail selection processes, might be unable to work and thus cannot pay for education, and might be considered „to stupid“ when applying for scholarships or sth. Dis_abled people are then only ever imagined as the hierarchically lower, degraded and humiliated workers of the anonymity and inherent meaninglessness of the capitalist alienated labour market, and we might even are prevented from entering this first labour market in the first place, instead being sent into exploitative sheltered workshops and so on, as was suggested to me too, for example. One of my dis_abled uncles was exploited in sheltered workshops, but I refuse to do so.

I am always doing too little. I hope this text is not too little.

It is not distressing that people are better than me, but it is distressing that people are better than me WHILE BEING SINFUL AND NOT FOLLOWING THE RULESTM, which is just unacceptable.

ICH HABE DAS ALL IN MEINER LUNGE


Society assigns us mentally dis_abled people an inferior position by default on every single level. We continuously need to fight back, and violently if necessary.

art as regaining agency, over one’s past, over the discourse, over the others, over capitalism & so on.

People always been telling me that I will have a life-time in front of me for making art, but like uh, when I been planning to shoot myself when I’m like 30-40 years old, I definitely wouldn’t have so much time left until then. I would rather be dead than breaking OCPD’s rules every day living under the utterly sinful system of capitalism.

I AM ERGODIC LITERATURE OF THE FUTURE / I AM ERGODIC LITERATURE OF THE FUTURE / I AM ERGODIC LITERATURE OF THE FUTURE / I AM ERGODIC LITERATURE OF THE FUTURE / I AM ERGODIC LITERATURE OF THE FUTURE

ICH BIN DER ZETTELKASTEN MEINER MUTTER / ICH BIN DER ZETTELKASTEN MEINER MUTTER / ICH BIN DER ZETTELKASTEN MEINER MUTTER

I WILL NO LONGER COMMUNICATE WITH STUPID PEOPLE WHO DENY ME MY ACCESSIBILITY NEEDS. I WILL NO LONGER TALK TO PEOPLE MISGENDERING ME. I WILL NO LONGER TALK TO NEURONORMATIVE PEOPLE. I WILL NO LONGER TALK TO NON-DIS_ABLED PEOPLE NOR CISHETS NOR NEOLIBERALS. THIS MEANS THAT I WILL NO LONGER TALK TO THE ENTIRETY OF GERMANYYYYYY.

DEUTSCHLAND IST DER ROTZ, DER AN MEINEM STIEFEL KLEBT, SOBALD ICH AUCH NUR EINEN SCHRITT VOR DIE TÜR SETZE.

Torture to me would be having to leave the house 5 days a week to do some shitty meaningless thing (which is: everything) for stupid people, because I would have a panic attack everyday and be so exhausted that I couldn’t do anything else for the rest of the day, and this cycle would repeat until my suicide and I wouldn’t be even able to make my art which is the most important stuff of the 21st century to me.


LITERATURLEUTE IMMER SO: WELCHES GENRE IST DIESER TEXT? UND ICH SO: HÄ, WAS ZUM FICK EIGENTLICH???

I REFUSE TO DIE WHILE CAPITALISM IS STILL IN PLACE


 DER GESAMTE KULTURBETRIEB IST ERSETZBAR / IHR FICKER*INNEN

Finde übrigens richtig schei$e dass es in Deutschland keinerlei Ort für deutschsprachige, hochwertige ludische Kunst gibt, hab nämlich eigentlich gar keinen Bock das in Englisch zu machen, weil Deutsch eine Sprache ist, die sehr viel schöner ZERSTÖRT werden kann, und ja auch ganz klar durch uns trans* Personen noch viel viel weiter zerstört werden muss, die es so richtig hart verdient, zerstört zu werden, SO WIE ES DEUTSCHLAND VERDIENT ZERBOMBT ZU WERDEN IN DEN FUCKING BODEN GEBOMBT ZU WERDENNNN.


Wenn wir Texte schreiben, die Mutter nicht versteht, dann sind wir sicher vor ihr. This horrible obsessive person finds everything everything everything nowhere save nowhere save nowhere save.

I was bullied during school and enough is enough, I will not let myself be further bullied by art teachers, I will lash out violently otherwise.

SHOCKINGLY, APPARENTLY ART UNIVRSITIES NEVER HAD DIS_ABLED PEOPLE BEFORE ME (WHICH SURELY IS NOT TRUE), BECAUSE OTHERWISE THEY WOULD HAVE FUNDAMENTALLY CHANGED THEIR METHODOLOGIES IN ORDER TO ACCOMODATE ALL DIS_ABLED PEOPLE???

SEI 1 PUNKT IN DEN 90ERN

I MAY BE HAVING ONLY TWO LAST BRAINCELLS, BUT WHEN LOOKING AT MOST CIS PEOPLE WITH MY X-RAY VIEW I BE SEEING EXACTLY 0 BRAINCELLS, LITERALMENTE 0. NOT A SINGLE BRAINCELL IN SIGHT :(((

WANN IMMER ICH DAS HAUS VERLASSE SIND ALLE MEINE SPOONS SOFORT WEG DAS HEISST: NIE WIEDER DAS HAUS VERLASSEN & DAS HAUS VERLASSEN UNTERLASSEN

IM IDEALFALL FUNKTIONIERE ICH PERFEKT, BUT AT WHAT COST? Dieser Text dokumentiert performativ einer meiner unter sozialen Stressbedingungen regelmäßig auftretenden mental spirals, in diesem Text hier war erst einmal ALLES ZEUG erlaubt, denn wenn wir psychische Erkrankungen in die Mitte der Gesellschaft holen wollen, müssen wir sie schonungslos aufzeichnen und also kommunizierbar machen. Dieser Text steht in einer Reihe von Artefakten meiner artistic research zu Online-Authentizitäten sowie Dokumentation meines allmählichen psychischen Zerfalls unter fortschreitenden psychischen Erkrankungen, verursacht durch die Lebensbedingungen und gesellschaftlichen Zwänge und Strukturen des Kapitalismus.

While at art university, I cannot concentrate at all on actually making any art, because just being present already drains all of my energy.

Apparently, as it was with COMPLEX FEELINGS (2021) and my bachelor’s thesis, this text right here may be considered my inofficial master’s thesis.

ALLE ZEIT AUFEINMAL

I AM SELF-DEPRECATING NICHE PSYCHOLOGY JOKES

ME WHEN I’M TRYING TO EXPRESS FEELINGS THAT NEURONORMATIVE PEOPLE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND AND IN A WAY THAT NEURONORMATIVE PEOPLE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND AND THAT THUS ALWAYS FAILS

vielleicht krieg ich mein leben irgendwann in den griff???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

✨zwischen call-out und klamauk✨

DIES IST MEINE KLEINE GESCHICHTE

TUN WIR NICHT ALLE MÆNNER LIEBELN

frens?? oh, you mean my emotional support silly little people???

Ich bin nicht nur komplett vor dem Computer aufgewachsen, ich bin auch mit dem Computer verwachsen.

You are famous and relevant. Affirm it until you are. You will outlive your abusers. Affirm it until you have.

BTW YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ ANYTHING IT IS ALSO VALID TO JUST LOOK AT THE MEMES OF THIS TEXT OR SOMETHING!!!

Due to experiences of humiliation by the German literature & university system I've unlocked god-mode over the past years, which makes it even harder for any human being to get through to me. And since this text might contain controversial or disturbing content, I've deactivated comments here, I anticipate it might be better that way.

THE SILLY LITTLE THOUGHT I HAVE AFTER EVERY SINGLE THING I DO: HAVE I JUST ACCIDENTALLY BROKEN A RULETM BY DOING THAT?!

WOULD YOU RATHER BE IN THE WOODS WITH A BEAR, AN OTTER OR A TWINK?

If I would die or off myself now, I wouldn’t have lived for a single day of my entire life, because I always have been trapped in Germany’s shitty education systems.

Ich leide an meiner Gefangenschaft in Systemen, die mit Zwängen absolut nicht kompatibel sind.

You are chasing money, fun, fulfillment and happiness, I am chasing significance, relevance, depth and Deutungshoheit, we are not the same.

Zwänge hören niemals auf. Sie brechen nur ab, wenn ihre Anforderungen zu viel werden, und sind auf ewig unvollständig. Allein deshalb schon ist es mega pervers, wenn Leute von OCDer*innen und/oder OCPDer*innen auch nur irgendwas mit Perfektion und Arbeit einfordern. Ihr wisst echt nicht, was ihr damit tagtäglich kaputt macht.

DAS GESAMTE 21. JAHRHUNDERT PULSIERT IN MEINEN ADERN

ERNIEDRIGTE UND BELEIDIGTE

What do you think why there are so few trans* people in the German literature scene? We are suffering under the pure STUPIDITY of cis people. Jedes schimmelige Stück Brot ist intelligenter als cis Deutsche.

This text here definitely can be related to my If You Think This Is Trash, Fuck Off <3 or: Unlearn Aesthetics, “Professionality” Is An Ableist Construct (2023), especially because it refers to kind of the same situation that kind of just got worse. This also is a performative text like my anti-vlog performance worte zur lage (2023), and relates to a triptychon from my instagram artistic research, Luka in Digiland (2021) (part 1 linked here).

Leute dieser Tage fordern autobiographisches Schreiben ein, meinen damit aber nur BESTIMMTE glatte Biographien bestimmter glatter Menschen, die in ihr Weltbild passen. Ich plädiere eben massivst dagegen.


Cancelt lieber erstmal eure rassist*ischen Eltern. Dann können wir vielleicht sprechen.

A ORANGUTAN USED A MEDICINAL PLANT TO TREAT A WOUND!!! I AM SO PROUD OF THEM!!!

Digitales Spiel = zeitbasiertes Medium; also wundert euch bitte nicht, wenn ihr halt irgendwo mal etwas WARTEN müsst. Die Leute heutzutage! Nicht einmal in sich und den Bildern ruhen können sie! IM THEATER GEHT ES JA GERADE UM DIE TENSION ZWISCHEN ANSPANNUNG UND ENTSPANNUNG; ENERGIEAUFLADUNG UND ENERGIEAUSSTRAHLUNG; LEUTE HEUTZUTAGE VERSTEHEN DAS EINFACH NICHT MEHR ES IST SCHLIMM

I don’t really have artistic references, I usually just drop someone because people expect me so, especially at art university lol. How artistic processes for me really work: I have/choose an idea, it developes into an obsession-compulsion, and I just have to do it, and then I move on to the next one. There is no reference stuff, there are only the rules that OCPD dictates.


meme via @theacademicwritersspace

Let's play a game that isn't a game, but my daily normal. I'm calling it "CANCEL CULTURE XTREME". I am giving you exactly one (1) chance. The rules of this game are secret, but if you break the rules, the rules demand that I break contact with you. Good luck.

Away with softness. Softness is harmless commodity. If we as marginalized people want to destroy capitalism, we need to be angry instead. I want to be all workers, all artists, all writers, all teachers, all students to be on strike until all systems and institutions have been destroyed. The first person to fundamentally cut into Germany's beer belly republic wins a kiss on the forehead.


I have been totally abandoned and forgotten by society. If I would die, or would off myself, my corpse would just decompose locked in my apartment. And I think that contemporary capitalism is exactly organized in such a way that it creates a society of individualized abandonment. And people say then: "Go to therapy", but it would just be a paid substitute for the basic functions of family and friendship, and I think this is both horrible and phenomenologically interesting. If the discourse about what counts as labour moves further into those utterly cursed directions as it does now, people in the future will cry about not getting paid for writing a simple text message. The real discourse shouldn't be about uncompensated "care work", because care shouldn't be work, but about basic universal income or about abolishing the irrational concept "money" altogether. A while ago I randomly met one of my neighbours on the train back from university, and he asked me whether I still live next to him, because he never sees me.


I GO MEOW I GO MEOW I GO MEOW

Dieser Tage gibt es kaum noch genuine künstler*ische Stimmen, sondern alle sind Brei, ich finde das schrecklich, dann hat nämlich der Kapitalismus gewonnen.


Ich möchte eigentlich nichts bewerben, das DIE REGELN nicht AKKURAT erfüllt.

WER MICH NOCH EINMAL MIT EINEM CIS MANN VERGLEICHT DEM*DER SCHLAGE ICH MIT EINEM KLEINEN KLEINEN HAMMER DEN SCHÄDEL EIN

VERTEIDIGEN??? ICH MÖCHTE MEINE ABSCHLUSSARBEIT NICHT VERTEIDIGEN, ICH MÖCHTE IN FRIEDEN VIBEN 😔✌️

DANN IST DAS HIER WIEDER 1 MAL MEHR 1 VERDAMMTER DEBÜTROMAN

Generally, it is quite hard for me to have coherent thoughts. When concentrating a lot, I might have coherent thoughts and can write them down as coherent linear sentences, but normally I have not.

By obsessively working without any success I am performatively deconstructing the neoliberal narrative taking for granted any form of ascent earned by hard work within capitalism.

People call this certain era late stage capitalism, but I am very certain that it will get worse if the global left doesn’t win. It will get so much worse in the next decades. The horrors will be unimaginable. But still, AI will never win against the (neurodivergent) mind. As Slavoj Žižek asks: "Where are my vulgarities?" And I would add: Where are my mental illnesses? AI violently normatizes dis_abled bodies in its image production, and dis_abled minds anywhere else. I would thus have the same question to AI as to (art) universities: WO BE_HINDERUNG? WO BE_HINDERTE MENSCHEN?

ALL ARTISTS SHALL RIOT

Der Literaturbetrieb ist nach wie vor STRUKTURELL VERBLÖDET daher ganz klar, dass du in diesem Jahrhundert Selfpublishing machen musst.

The idea for this text was apparently from around 25th September 2023. Worked on this thing: 22.11.2023 + 23.11. + 26.11. + 27.11. + 06.12. + 08.12.-10.12. + 04.04.24-10.05.24 + 13.05.24-26./27.05.2024.

I’M GONNA PUBLISH THIS TEXT IN NOVEMBER!!!

WHELP, I’M GONNA PUBLISH THIS TEXT IN DECEMBER!!!

OH WHELP, I’M GONNA PUBLISH THIS TEXT IN JANUARY!!!

GONNA PUBLISH THIS IN FEBRUARY!!!

GONNA PUBLISH IN MARCH!!!

APRIL!!!

MAY!!!!!!!

ICH LUKE DURCHS FENSTER UND PLÖTZLICH IST SOMMER

DO WE HAVE MORE PURE POETIC BLISS??? / GIVE ME PURE POETIC BLISS!!!! / GIVE ME MORE PURE POETIC BLISS!!!!!!!!!

Now, during April 2024, I had the deepest dive into depression swamp since a lot of years. I saw the bottom of it all and couldn't breathe, it was horrible. Right now I'm in the process of slowly shoveling myself out of the swamp.

I love cis men… *eye-roll*

"(and i am taking time to finally finally finally properly learn web stuff now, after literally(!) over a decade!!! oftentimes it is hard to imagine, but my younger teenagekid theythemfuckself may would've been quite jealous of my slay!)", I wrote in November, but I hadn’t really got the time to follow up on that since then :(

Every day I wake up and feel the dictatorship background of my parents, because something in me has been militarily drilled.

little professor mature autistic bf x immature childish infantilized autistic bf

Immer diese Macht-Ultras, von Macht bin ich generell nicht so Fan* von.

I love the autodidact. I love the outsider. I love the weird, the cute and the zany.

My life is a Telltale Game where I am the main NPC and constantly be having a pop-up message saying "Luka will remember that".

People who are fans of therapy apparently do not know about the reality of people living with personality disorders. Therapists for example reportedly refuse taking patients with BPD oftentimes. And if a therapist would break an OCPD rule or sth in my case, I might block them or even violently threaten them, so good luck with that.

Das Soziale IST kommodifiziert.

Mein Kopf ist 24/7 voll von Textzeug, und es geht da einfach nicht heraus, es geht da einfach nicht heraus, es geht da einfach nicht heraus.

Die Menschen, die guten wie die schlechten, werden wir in unseren Balladen besingen.

autistic masking bf x "feminine and gay" traits masking bf

hab dann immer das gefühl, das was ich niemals niemals niemals in qualität werde erreichen können, dann wenigstens mit menge ausgleichen zu müssen. niemals niemals niemals werden OCPD's ästhetische regeln des perfekten kunstwerkes erreicht werden können, doch klarerweise muss es wieder und wieder versucht werden.

How do you cite oral history? How do you cite as artists?

People always say that we must lock up psychopaths to protect the world, but the real psychopaths are not people like us, but people like Markus Krebber, CEO of RWE, or the Jeff Bezos and Elon Musks of the world, and were people like Fritz Thyssen and so on.

WIR SIND DER STOFF AUS DEM UNSER JAHRHUNDERT BESTEHT

Warum soll ich noch Stücke schreiben, wenn sie eh nie gespielt werden?

Warum soll ich noch Bücher schreiben, wenn sie eh nicht gepublisht oder gelesen werden?

Wenn neurotyische Menschen verunsichert sind, ob sie nun lachen sollen oder nicht, dann führe ich ihnen doch perfekt performativ eine häufige Situation des Autismus-Spektrums vor.

I love working at night, because finally: all light away. No more distraction, nothing that burns holes into my eyes. And all quite, even the cars in the distance give me a break, so I can finally fully concentrate. DIE GANZE WELT MÖGE ELEKTRISCH BELEUCHTET SEIN ANSTATT DURCH SONNENLICHT SEI ÜBER DIE KUGEL EIN NETZ GESPANNT AUS LEUCHTKÖRPERN PULSIEREND IM GLEICHTAKT DAS LEISE FLIMMERN DER DIODEN

Das klare Gefühl von Wasser in meinem Rachen: mein täglicher Estro-Shot für arme Leute.

KOGNITIVE DISSONANZEN KOGNITIVE DISSONANZEN KOGNITIVE DISSONANZEN

Ich handle alles mit mir selbst aus, und du kannst mir dabei zuschauen, und das nennt sich dann anscheinend Kunst.

game developers usually make the mistake of constraining themselves by normative genres, and are building upon and catering towards that, instead of starting with free experimentation and from zero each time, depending on what each individual artwork needs. this text for example demanded black & white & blue from me, and thus i just executed what the text told me it needed.

DON'T YOU HAVE VISIONS IN YOUR HEAD???? I HAVE ALL THE TIME VISIONS IN MY HEAD!!!!

I refuse to dumb down my artifacts, just because of an audience.

I wish I would have been able to spend the last months doing THE REAL ART instead of this text here, but apparently it had to be done. This is exactly what outside factors and outside rules and outside violent structures do: mentally pushing and pulling and dominating and stressing one's head.

US-Americans are so obsessed with their country - what do you mean, an open world game set in Chicago or Detroit or San Francisco? Just imagine an open world game set in Dortmund or Dresden or Hannover or... Bitterfeld lol! I would laugh, but also love. It is so absurd, because it is utterly unimaginable. Except for of course the best driving game ever, called Der Taxi Racer in Berlin (Blimb Entertainment, 2002) (this one is actually really nice) and the best Autobahn game ever, Autobahn Polizei Simulator (Z-Software, 2015). Germany apparently cannot be imagined outside of stuff similar to Euro Truck Simulator, Omnibus Simulator, Pro Train Perfect, or on the other hand historical games where you fight Nazis.

the most annoying people on earth are probably influencers and actors, topped only by finance bros and white* people with locs.

DAS GROSSARTIGE AN BÜHNEN IST JA ÜBRIGENS DASS DU DIE PUBLIKUMSMENSCHEN VOR LAUTER SCHEINWERFERLICHT GAR NICHT MEHR SIEHST!!!! SIE HÖREN DANN ALSO AUF ZU EXISTIEREN!!!!

ICH HABE MICH SOLANGE MIT AFFIRMATIONEN SELBST BESCHALLT, BIS ICH MICH NICHT MEHR MINDERWERTIG FÜHLTE (JOKE)

ECHOLALIA ECHOLALIA ECHOLALIA


AUCH WENN ES WEHTUT - GERADE WENN ES WEHTUT!!! UNBEDINGT DANN!!!

DIE GOLDENEN 20ER DIE GOLDENEN 20ER DIE GOLDENEN 20ER

ICH HATTE ÜBRIGENS RECHT MIT MEINEM 2018 THEATERSTÜCK EXPOSITIO UNIVERSALIS!!! ICH HATTE RECHT!!!! DIE STIMMUNG DIESER JAHRE DER AUFRÜSTUNG IST GENAU DIESE!!!!

What the aspect of "non-trivial effort" of ergodic literature actually means here: you need to put in the effort of translating certain passages and memes from German into English yourself lol.

Ich würde übrigens für eine neutrale Weltsprache plädieren, die nicht wie Englisch bestimmte Herkunftsländer bevorteilt.

Und dann habe ich wieder die Extra-Arbeit die Dinge die andere auf mich werfen produktiv zu machen, weil ich es als OCPDer*in nicht ertragen kann, wenn auch nur irgendein kleines bisschen Zeug ohne für mich direkten produktiven Ertrag geschieht.

FINDE SCHADE DASS IN DER MEDIENKUNST LITERATUR NICHT ERWÜNSCHT IST!!! UND DASS FÜR BESTIMMTE WISSENSCHAFTSFEIND*LICHE KUNSTPERSONEN WISSENSCHAFT NICHT ERWÜNSCHT IST!!!!

Das ist das Schlimme an Demokrat*innen: unglaublich ineffizient, zer-diskutieren ewig die unnötigsten Dinge in absolut schlecht optimierten Prozessen. Ich mag Leute nicht, die mir Lebenszeit verschwenden, das ist ja das aller schlimmste auch. Alles gehört 24/7 durchoptimiert.

AUSSERBETRIEBLICHE OPPOSITION

Everyday I wake up and am super embarrassed that I was born in the same year as Heiko and Roman Lochmann. Fame has lost all meaning in this century. Random kids on YouTube are famous, random kids on TikTok are famous. Maybe the corporate internet platforms of platform capitalism want banal people to be in the spotlight, because they won't threaten capital, all the while meta limits the engagement with political information of leftist and marginalized people.

Die Universität, die Menschen, die verblödeten Strukturen des Kapitalismus, bringen DIE REIHENFOLGE fortwährend durcheinander, und ich kann es nicht ausstehen; nur mir selbst ist die Erlaubnis erteilt, DIE REIHENFOLGE zu bestimmen.

People be saying that you should be brave about your mental illnesses, but I unfortunately have the most unsexy ones. You cannot really glamorize hoarding, or social phobia, or personality disorders, because they are stuff that people deem disgusting. Hoarding is only ever portrayed by non-hoarders. I want hoarders to make movies about hoarding, that are also not about hoarding.

MEINE 117 GEBOTE. Maybe Moses was just bipolar and had OCPD, and made up some fancy lore to cover it all.

OWN YOUR DIS_ABITY BY TAKING AWAY THE NARRATIVE FROM YOUR ABUSERS AND DOMINATE THEM INSTEAD.


I make art because I'm cool and I hate cishet people :)))

Certified heterosexuals™! You can go tell your kids that this style of writing was the real "mumblecore"!!!

Sollte ich posthum vor allem damit assoziiert sein, mich mit mental illness auseinandergesetzt zu haben, dann drehe ich mich im Grabe um und lache euch aus, weil ihr es immer noch nicht verstanden habt, ihr Ficker*innen. Die neoliberale Agenda des Sprechens über psychische Krankheit versagt und nimmt ihr revolutionäres Potential, indem sie doch nur Oberflächen-Glamorösität betreibt und die schwersten Formen der Neurodivergenz weiterhin in die Unsichtbarkeit wegsperrt. Wann immer etwas in Erscheinung getreten ist, ist es bereits kraftlos und machtlos gemacht worden, kommodifiziert, es geht gar nicht anders. Revolutionäres Potential wird vom Kapitalismus gesteuert inszeniert, um uns über unsere eigentlich allumfassende Machtlosigkeit hinweg zu täuschen.

DA BIN ICH GLAUBE ICH DANN DOCH ZU NEUROTISCH FÜR

In den Extremfällen der Gesellschaft treten ihre systemischen Normen und ihr systemisches Versagen am markantesten hervor.

IF ALL US WORKERS OF THE WHOLE WORLD WOULD JUST COLLECTIVELY ORGANIZED REFUSE TO WORK, WE COULD END CAPITALISM RIGHT NOW.

Ja okay, vielleicht zitiere ich öfters cis Menschen, aber es gibt halt eben in meinen Bereichen nur wenig sichtbare trans* Personen zu zitieren. Aber wenn Leute dann in Zukunft mich zitieren anstatt cis Menschen, dann hätte ich etwas erreicht, dann hätte ich nämlich den Kanon überschrieben und neu konfiguriert, B*tch!

Every German writer who established themself in the last decades, would definitely struggle a lot these days if they would have to restart their career. You either get rejected by conservatives because you are too progressive and trans*, or you get rejected by progressives because you are too white* or whatever, as Ronya Othmann & Juliane Liebert have recently pointed out regarding the HKW. And this stuff structurally happens everywhere, and other discrimination categories such as dis_ability are loosing these "oppression olympics" within the superficial neoliberal framework. 

I am utterly repulsed by any instance of professional cleanness.

ART = TRYING TO COPE WITH THE WORLD / ART ≠ PRODUCT

I AM UTTERLY BURNED OUT & EXHAUSTED ALREADY BY JUST BEING REQUIRED TO LEAVE MY HOUSE FOR ONE SECOND. AND THEN I MUST BE PRODUCTIVE TOO???? OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE I AM NOT ABLE TO CONCENTRATE AT ALL, I AM NOT ABLE TO WORK AT ALL DUE TO EXTREME OVERSTIMULATION. Y'ALL SHITHEADS DON'T EVEN NOTICE HOW RIDICULOUS YOUR ANTI-AUTISTIC ABLEISM IS. I CAN ONLY SLEEP IN PITCH BLACK DARKNESS AND WITH ABSOLUTE SILENCE. A SINGLE BIRB SINGING OUTSIDE MY WINDOW AND MY HEARS FUCKING BLEED.

Alte Leute realisieren ihr Alter nicht. Ich sage: Wir müssen dieser Tage unser Gehirn an das Internet anschließen, globale Echtzeitdaten neuronal übertragen aufs fleischliche Schreibsystem.

AUFDREHEN DEN SOUND

ÜBERSCHALTUNG ÜBERSCHALTUNG ÜBERSCHALTUNG ÜBERSCHALL HYPERSCHALTKREIS HYPERSCHALTKREIS HYPERSCHALTKREIS

WIR SIND JA BEREITS GESICHTSLOSE MASSENWARE DIE MASSE MACHT NUR SICHTBAR WAS EH DER FALL IST DIE KUNST ALS NÜCHTERNE BESCHREIBUNG VON GEGENWARTSTATSACHEN DIE DIE LINDNERS UNSERER ZEIT NOCH NICHT GESCHALTET HABEN

ICH SPRINGE HOCH IM BETT UND RUFE STAKKATO STAKKATO

DIE GANZE WELT IST SEI IST SEI ELEKTRISCH GESCHALTET

ICH RENNE ÜBRIGENS DEN GANZEN TAG JEDEN TAG SO HERUM IN MEINER WOHNUNG ABER DIE LEUTE KRIEGEN DAS JA NICHT MIT DAS IST JA KLAR

BUNDESREPUBLIK ORGANVERSAGEN

DER KUNST- UND LITERATURBETRIEB VERNICHTET BE_HINDERTE MENSCHEN


Der Literaturbetrieb besteht zu 100% aus Gewalt: verbale Gewalt, epistemische Gewalt, strukturelle Gewalt. Mit der Grausamkeit des Literaturbetriebs und mit dem Defekt der Festplatte, die mein gesamtes Leben beinhaltete und der Mittelpunkt meines Lebens ist und war, der einzige Lebensinhalt, hat sich mein Leben in 2021/22 zerstört, und ich bin noch immer in der Trauerphase. Und ich werde es nicht zulassen, dass ich dann auch noch in der Trauerphase von irgendwelchen Leuten beleidigt werde. UND RAMME IHNEN MEIN INNERES TASCHENMESSER IN DIE BRUST.

DIE REVOLUTION SOLL SEDEDIERT WERDEN. REVOLUTIONÄRE BABES SETZEN IHRE MEDIKAMENTE AB UND LASSEN SICH NICHT VOM KAPITALO-NEURONORMATIVEN DIKTAT HERUMKOMMANDIEREN.

SOMEDAY I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING THAT WILL BE SO UNDENIABLY ARTISTIC TO THE WHOLE WORLD AND FOLLOW ALL OCPD AESTHETICS RULES AND EVERBODY KNOWS THAT IT IS GOOD THAT EVERYONE WILL STOP BELITTELING ME AND BEING ABLEIST TO ME!!!!! AND MY ABUSERS WILL ROT UNDERGROUND AND I WILL SPIT AND DANCE ON THEIR GRAVES!!!! SPIT AND DANCE!!!! (Maybe not like in the movie Summer of '85 (Dir.: François Ozon, FRA 2020) – mainly because I do not own a walkmän :((( - but sth like that!!!! Or maybe like Lillian Droniak in one of her videos.)

Demokratie fußt auf Gewalt gegen marginalisierte Personen. Das Fundament aller Demokratien ist die Marginalisierung und die Exklusion. Im Konsens setzt sich IMMER die politische Rechte durch. "Rechtsruck" ist default. Und die von vielen als vermeintlich progressive Hoffnung gestartete Ampel-Regierung ist ja ein wunderschön anschauliches Beispiel genau dafür. About a decade ago when discovering "leftextremist" political positions due to daily observations and logical deduction I also immediately knew that I will not be able to discuss politics with democrats anymore, and this is still a motto of myself, that is the more true these days, that it really doesn't add or change anything to discuss politics with democrats, because they will always deflect, and they of course also will never change my mind. I always silently laugh when people then consider me liberal democrat or apolitical, and I sometimes am jokingly making comments that could be read as such; the silly little things one does to amuse oneself. I will not discuss politics with democrats, even if that means that they (mis)read me as apolitical. Weckt mich wenn wir trans* Personen organisiert bewaffnete Revolution tun, ansonsten interessieren mich alle politischen Diskurse unter demokratischen Bedingungen nicht.

Ich glaube, die Avantgarde findet heutzutage vor allem IRGENDWO online statt, wo wir sie nicht sehen, wo Academia sie nicht findet und in ihrer Langsamkeit nicht Schritt halten kann, oder als outsider art irgendwo jenseits aller vorherigen Konzeptionen - Academia glaubt, die Avantgarde sei tot, aber ich bin mir sicher, dass das absolut nicht der Fall ist. Wenn wir die Avantgarde nicht sehen, dann hat sie sich lediglich zu gut versteckt. WIR MACHEN DANN KUNST WENN ACADEMIA UNS NICHT MEHR (BE)GREIFEN KANN. DAS EWIGE DER-ZEIT-HINTERHER-SCHEITERN DER UNIVERSITÄTEN.

Most artists think of their art as individual completed pieces. I never do this. I think of my artworks only in their intratextual relations to all of my other artworks, I only think in rhizome/the rhizomatic and the whole œuvre as a web, single pieces of it are actually quite unimportant to me. And since all of my art is pre-planned and works by the same OCPD aesthetic rules, it all comes together. But the unfortunate thing is that, if I manage to do the things I’m planning within my lifetime, people will only be able to understand this concept retrospectively, and posthumously.

Mental illness is nothing else than the mind reacting to other people, and reacting to systemic issues. There is no mental illness in a way, only reaction to the outside.

ART UNIVERSITY DESTROYS ART

Fehler und Unreinheiten sind großartig, weil sie die Illusion brechen und dabei das Medium hervorbrechen. Die Illusionsbühne ist Kapitalismus, und dieser ist es, der gebrecht gehört.

What bugs me the most since childhood is that most people haven't earned official permission to even talk to me. So how come their audacity to criticize or suggest things?

DIEJENIGEN DIE ANTI-PROGRESSIV SIND UND DEN ÄSTHETIKEN ANDERER JAHRHUNDERTE UNKRITISCH NACHHÄNGEN SOLLEN DOCH BITTE DAS 21. JAHRHUNDERT WIEDER VERLASSEN

ICH BIN GOTT* UND ICH VERBANNE SIE AUS DIESEM JAHRHUNDERT

I SWEAR TO MYSELF: VON NUN AN WERDE ICH MICH NICHT MEHR VON IRGENDWELCHEN UNTERMENSCHEN FERTIGMACHEN LASSEN

A very important skill in our current age of an unstructured, fractured, unsorted INTERNET MESS is one that I would classify under the umbrella of media literacy, it is knowing when you are the target audience of a given work, and when you are not. Lots of people online unfortunately do regularly suck at this skill.

GEGENWARTSARCHÄOLOGIE ONLINE

NEUROTYPICAL CISHET PEOPLE CANNOT PRODUCE ANY GOOD ART OF THE FUTURE

TECHNOLOGY + GAY SEX + MAGIC + NEURODIVERGENCE

By the way, I think that the discrimination categories anti-slavism and anti-communism would encompass the discrimination experiences of the former eastern german/GDR citizens. My mum always has been grumbling about West Germans, and I for once think that she is right here, even though she probably hasn’t the analytical framework to analyse the underlying structural issues of it.

I HAVE ALREADY PLANNED OUT EVERYDAY UNTIL I AM 90 YEARS OLD AND I REALLY HOPE THAT I WILL BE ABLE TO FOLLOW THIS PLAN BEFORE BEING DEAD!!!

Bei mir ist übrigens das, was ich NICHT geschrieben habe ein relevanteres Werk als das, was ich geschrieben habe.

I think that all mass shooters are neurodivergent and thus experience ableism. Their status as mass shooters is a logical consequence of trying to cope, punish and fight back inherently ableist structures and ableist society. Mass shooters are a direct product of society failing at fighting its own ableism.

Finde ja Wissenschaftler*innen schon oft irgendwie zum Kotzen, aber artists ja eben auch.


meme via @freeze_magazine

du bist gut / du bist gott*

you are good / you are god*

I had a couple of panic attacks while writing, and surely will have one after publishing this text. I will then allow myself for 1 day (hour) to turn off my computer while praying that the gød's of the internet be humble to this text and will not spawn in the most random NPCs starting to insult or misgender me 🙏🙏🙏 AFFIRM IT.

Well, if I wouldn’t explain phenomena with structural issues, the only other explanation would be that most people are bullying me personally since childhood, and this would be a very sad and probably worse explanation. Mostly because I rarely ever experienced any other form of social interaction at all other than being bullied, including being bullied by my family and so on.


I AIN’T READING ALL THAT / I’M HAPPY FOR U THO / OR SORRY THAT HAPPENED

OH GOSH I’M GONNA GET CANCELLED OH GOSH I’M GONNA GET CANCELLED OH GOSH I’M GONNA GET CANCELLED OH GOSH I’M GONNA GET CANCELLED OH GOSH I’M GONNA GET CANCELLED OH GOSH I’M GONNA GET CANCELLED OH GOSH I’M GONNA GET CANCELLED OH GOSH I’M GONNA GET CANCELLED OH GOSH I’M GONNA GET CANCELLED

EVERYONE WHO DOESN’T CANCEL INTRUSIVE-THOUGHTS-HAVERS FOR EXPLICITING THEIR INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS IN THEIR ART WILL RECEIVE A BUNDESVERDIENSTKREUZ AWARDED BY PETER ALTMAIER SPAWNING IN PERSON AT NIGHTTIME IN YOUR APARTMENT!!! IT’S TRUE!!! I MADE A DEAL WITH GÖD!!! BE PREPARED!!!

DO I – NO U

HOTTEST PEOPLE DO BE SHARING HOTTEST TAKES

ALLES existiert IMMERZU zwanghaft in meinem kopf

ICH ENDE NIE

DER TEXT ENDET NIE

ICH LIEBE / DIE IDIOTIE / DEUTSCHLANDS UND DER WELT

REACH WHOM ME NO I'M A GHOST I'M A SPECTRE I'M NOT EVEN HERE

ICH HABE NOCH NIEMALS IN MEINEM GOTT*VERFICKTEN LEBEN IRGENDWELCHEN INPUT VON UNIVERSITÄTEN GEBRAUCHT SONDERN MEIN LEBEN IST EINFACH NUR MEINE EWIGE LISTE ALSO LASST MICH GEFÄLLIGST IN RUHE BITTE


* * * * *


Disclaimer: Like with Open Letter to the Internet, Theatrical Elegy, and If You Think This Is Trash, I was unsure as well here about how precise I have to be with the bibliography. In the end, I decided to go for a more proper citation technique like in an actual academic text, writing down the entire URL and date and time of last access as well as exact time codes etc. Still, this is first and foremost and artistic and literary text, that only kinda happens to reference quite some material again (lol I really didn’t plan this, I actually really really really just wanted to write a lengthy poetic text thing, but it just happened to me with the expanding bibliography, I swear!!!). In literary text, like in my stage plays, you usually don’t need this level of accuracy, but I just NEEDED to in this case, for texts with a main focus on their literary quality and poetics, at least to me, it seems alright to just set a link or just name the author etc without the exact page. That’s also why I accept (video) essays, who usually aren’t as precise in their citational practice as they actually should be – AS WE HAVE RECENTLY SEEN, therefore video essays should be cited with caution as they are susceptible to stuff like plagiarism.

REFERENCED TEXTS

(I’m unsure whether I should include more subtle intertextual references here, as they are usually all over the place in my writing, but strictly speaking I wouldn’t count intertextual references as sources that one needs to list, a key characteristic of intertextuality is that it goes unnoticed/over the head for some or even most people. But still, I am oftentimes unsure where to draw the line between intertextual reference and citation or even plagiarising, and it is a quite complex topic to me.)

Selected Bibliography

Adler-Bolton et al. 2022: Adler-Bolton, Beatrice and Vierkant, Artie (2022): Health Communism. Verso Books, London and Brooklyn (NY) 2022.

Amlinger 2021: Amlinger, Carolin (2021): Schreiben: Eine Soziologie literarischer Arbeit. [Dissertation] Second Edition. Suhrkamp, Berlin 2021.

Arce 2024: Arce, Santos J. (2024): The Complicated Reality of Being Transmasc on Grindr. In: www.them.us. URL: https://www.them.us/story/transmasculine-experience-grindr-gay-dating-apps [22.04.2024, 19:29].

Atroszko et al. 2020: Atroszko, Paweł A.; Demetrovics, Zsolt and Griffiths, Mark D. (2020): Work Addiction, Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, Burn-Out, and Global Burden of Disease: Implications from the ICD-11. In: www.mdpi.com. URL: https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/17/2/660 [19.04.2024, 22:40].

Bianco 2018: Bianco, Marcie (2018): The patriarchal race to colonize Mars is just another example of male entitlement. In: www.nbcnews.com. URL: https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/patriarchal-race-colonize-mars-just-anothe... [17.04.2024, 22:34].

Bogner 2023: Bogner, Verena (2023): Daddy Issues: Warum das Konzept sexistisch ist und Traumata von Frauen verharmlost. In: www.glamour.de. URL: https://www.glamour.de/artikel/daddy-issues-problem?utm_source=pocket-newtab-de-... [24.04.2024, 01:50].

Box 2022: Box, Bobby (2022): Why Some Queer Men Lead Hypersexual Double Lives Online. In: www.them.us. URL: https://www.them.us/story/queer-gay-men-hypersexual-online-social-media-pressure... [22.04.2024, 15:05].

Broey Deschanel 2024: Broey Deschanel (2024): Saltburn: The Tumblr-ification of Cinema. [18.04.2024, 16:38].

Chartrand et al. 2018: Chartrand, Roxanne and Thériault, Pascale (2018): The Videoludic Cyborg: Queer/Feminist Reappropriations and Hybridity. In: www.gameconference.itu.dk. URL: http://gameconference.itu.dk/papers/15%20-%20chartrand%20-%20the%20videoludic%20... [06.06.2023, 16:08].

CJ The X 2021: CJ The X (2021): Arrival: Time Is An Illusion. [22.04.2024, 16:43].

Cope and Seethe 2024: Cope And Seethe (2024): James Somerton: A Measured Response. [18.04.2024, 16:59].

Czollek 2023: Czollek, Max (2023): Versöhnungstheater. Carl Hanser Verlag, München 2023.

Dana Andersen 2022: Dana Andersen (2022): Why Autistic People Can't Work.[23.04.2024, 19:17].

Deliss 2020: Deliss, Clémentine (2020): The Metabolic Museum. Hatje Cantz Verlag, Berlin 2020.

Demirović 2015: Demirović, Alex (2015): Wissenschaft oder Dummheit? Über die Zerstörung der Rationalität in den Bildungsinstitutionen. Hrsg. Rosa-Luxemburg-Stiftung. VSA: Verlag, Hamburg 2015. In: www.rosalux.de. URL: https://www.rosalux.de/fileadmin/rls_uploads/pdfs/sonst_publikationen/VSA_Demiro... [17.11.2022, 20:44].

DeThier 2024: DeThier, Peter (2024): So will Trump die Vereinigten Staaten zur Diktatur machen. In: www.morgenpost.de. URL: https://www.morgenpost.de/politik/article240909220/So-will-Trump-die-Vereinigten... [22.04.2024, 16:27].

Elliot Sang 2023a: Elliot Sang (2023): We Are All Becoming Hikikomori. [21.04.2024, 23:33].

Elliot Sang 2023b: Elliot Sang (2023): We Are All Touch Starved. [21.04.2024, 23:33].

Farrokhzad 2018: Farrokhzad, Athena (2018): Open Letter to Europe. Translated by Jennifer Hayashida. Beletrina, 2018. pp. 32-44.

Fisher 2013: Fisher, Mark (2013): Exiting the Vampire Castle. In: www.thenorthstar.info. Archived from the original, URL: https://web.archive.org/web/20131129003704/https://thenorthstar.info/?p=11299 [23.04.2024, 03:18].

Fisher 2016: Fisher, Mark (2016): The Weird And The Eerie. 4th Edition. Repeater Books, London 2016.

foster on the spectrum 2023: foster on the spectrum (2023): A Closer Look at Autism Speaks. [21.04.2024, 18:36].

Friedland 2018: Friedland, Luka*s (2018): ein abc des andersseins oder was ihr nicht sagen solltet. First published in: lyrix – Bundeswettbewerb für junge Lyrik (2019): Die Anthologie VIII. Gedichte, Preisträger*innen und Ereignisse 2018/2019. lyrix, Berlin 2019.

Friedland 2020: Friedland, Luka*s (2020): Nennt mich wie ihr wollt, Hauptsache ihr nennt mich richtig. Warum ich mir ein Sternchen in den Namen gepackt hab und mich damit auch ganz gut fühle. In: t*point – Das Magazin, Ausgabe 1, www.t-point.space. createIT4good e.V., Berlin 2020.

Friedland 2022: Friedland, Luka*s (2022): Unpopular Opinion: Warum ich mir Onlinelehre zurückwünsche. Einige unvollständige Gedanken zur technischen Erweiterbarkeit des Menschen, zur digitalen Lehre, Ableismus und akademischem Quiet Quitting. In: eject – Zeitschrift für Medienkultur; https://www.uni-weimar.de/projekte/eject/wordpress. URL: https://www.uni-weimar.de/projekte/eject/wordpress/2022/12/unpopular-opinion-war... [19.04.2024, 22:25].

Friedland 2023a: Friedland, Luka*s (2023): The Impossibility of Resurrecting Hundreds of Dead Animals: Outplaying Violence in and the Rules of Video Games.

Friedland 2023b: Friedland, Luka*s (2023): warum ich keine be_hinderungsgeschichte erzähle (skizzen, auszüge, materialien, prozesse, unvollständiges) in: Riot Skirts (Ed.): Queerfeministischer Taschenkalender 2024. edition assemblage, Münster 2023.

From the Desk of Professor Skye (Spam Channel) a: From the Desk of Professor Skye (Spam Channel) (2024): An Academic’s Half-Hearted Non-Defense of James Somerton.[18.04.2024, 18:27].

From the Desk of Professor Skye (Spam Channel) b: From the Desk of Professor Skye (Spam Channel) (2024): An addendum to my James Somerton video. [18.04.2024, 18:27].

Galip 2021: Galip, Idil (2021): The ‚Grotesque‘ in Instagram Memes. In: Arkenbout, Chloë; de Zeeuw, Daniel and Wilson, Jack (Eds.): Critical Meme Reader: Global Mutations of the Viral Image. Institute of Network Cultures, Amsterdam 2021. pp. 27-39.

Genderphage Games 2018: Genderphage Games (2018): How 2 Make Things When you Don't Believe In anything. In: www.genderphage.itch.io. URL: https://genderphage.itch.io/h2mtwydbia [20.04.2024, 15:33].

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Graeber 2004: Graeber, David (2004): Fragments of an Anarchist Anthropology. Prickly Paradigm Press, Chicago 2004.

Graeber 2019: Graeber, David (2019): Bullshit Jobs: A Theory. Simon & Schuster, New York 2019.

Grau 2006: Grau, Renate (2006): Ästhetisches Engineering: Zur Verbreitung von Belletristik im Literaturbetrieb. transcript, Bielefeld 2006.

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Groys 2000: Groys, Boris (2000): Unter Verdacht: Eine Phänomenologie der Medien. Carl Hanser Verlag, München 2000.

Haraway 2016: Haraway, Donna (2016): Staying with the Trouble: Making Kin in the Chthulucene. Duke University Press, Durham 2016.

Harmange 2020: Harmange, Pauline (2020): Ich hasse Männer. Aus dem Französischen von Nicola Denis. Rowohlt, Hamburg 2020.

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Hirsch 2012: Hirsch, Marianne (2012): The Generation of Postmemory: Writing and Visual Culture After the Holocaust. Columbia University Press, New York 2012.

Hollstein et al. 2023: Hollstein, Miriam and Schillat, Florian (2023): SPD-Politikerin Mast über Kindheit in Armut: "Meine Mutter hätte das Bundesverdienstkreuz verdient". Interview mit Katja Mast. In: www.stern.de. URL: https://www.stern.de/politik/deutschland/spd-politikerin-katja-mast-ueber-armut-... [22.04.2024, 16:57].

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In Praise of Shadows 2024: In Praise of Shadows (2024): The Stop Motion Horror Film That Was Animated by a Single Person. [23.04.2024, 21:16].

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Jessie Gender 2021: Jessie Gender (2021): How Transphobes Weaponize Burnout Against Neurodivergent Trans People. [18.04.2024, 21:43].

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Knudsen 2023: Ossian Elfvendahl Knudsen (2023): Gay Hookup Culture. [Zine] In: www.issuu.com. URL: https://issuu.com/papaocea_n/docs/pdf_vanligt [19.04.2024, 21:18].

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Lorde 1979: Lorde, Audre (1979): The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle The Master’s House, Second Sex Conference, 1979.

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Medina 2011: Medina, Eden (2011): Cybernetic Revolutionaries: Technology and Politics in Allende’s Chile. [eBook] The MIT Press, Cambridge (MA) and London 2011.

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NeatOnTheRocks 2024b: NeatOnTheRocks (2024): Talent doesn't exist. (and that's a good thing!). [23.04.2024, 17:46].

NeverKnowsBest 2023: NeverKnowsBest (2023): The Obsession with Bad Games.[22.04.2024, 14:19].

Ngai 2012: Ngai, Sianne (2012): Our Aesthetic Categories: Zany, Cute, Interesting. Harvard University Press, Cambridge (MA) and London 2012.

Novikov et al. 2022: Novikov, Zilla and Rosen, Rachel A. (2022): The Sad Bastard Cookbook: Food You Can Make So You Don’t Die. Night Beats, 2020. In: www.traumbooks.itch.io. URL: https://traumbooks.itch.io/the-sad-bastard-cookbook [20.04.2024, 16:37].

Partheil 2016: Partheil, Antoni D. (2013): Das kubistische Prinzip. In: wortbau e.V. (Ed.): alles still – alles laut. wortbau e.V., Berlin 2016. pp. 109-112. (anti networking transparency disclaimer: we were colleagues.)

Price 2018: Price, Devon (2018): Laziness Does Not Exist. In: www.drdevonprice.substack.com. URL: https://drdevonprice.substack.com/p/laziness-does-not-exist [19.04.2024, 20:48].

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Price 2024b: Price, Devon (2024): Annoying Queer People Are Not Why We're Oppressed. In: drdevonprice.substack.com. URL: https://drdevonprice.substack.com/p/annoying-queer-people-are-not-the [23.04.2024, 17:36].

Quinn 2015: Quinn, Zoë Tiberius (2015): Punk Games. In: www.boingboing.net. URL: https://boingboing.net/2015/03/16/punk-games.html [06.06.2023, 16:08].

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Rode 2020: Rode, Jennifer A. (2020): Imposter. In: Brown, Nicole and Leigh, Jennifer (Eds.): Ableism in Academia: Theorising experiences of disabilities and chronic illnesses in higher education. UCL Press, London 2020. pp. 161-163.

Roig 2023: Roig, Emilia (2023): unlearn liebe. In: Jaspers, Lisa; Ryland, Naomi and Horch, Silvie (Eds.): unlearn patriarchy. 8th edition. Ullstein, Berlin 2023 [2022]. pp. 54-72.

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Russell 2020: Russell, Legacy (2020): Glitch Feminism: A Manifesto. Verso Books, London and New York 2020.

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Savantics 2024: Savantics (2024): Yandere Dev and The Complete Failure of Yandere Simulator | 10 Years Later. [23.04.2024, 22:32].

Schäfer 2024: Schäfer, Fabian (2024): „Wir alle sprechen kapitalistisch“. Interview with Daniel Stähr and Simon Sahner. In: www.fluter.de. URL: https://fluter.de/kapitalismus-sprache-wirtschaft-interview-sahner-staehr [18.04.2024, 19:00].

Scherz 2021: Scherz, Laurence (2021): Making poetry babies in an online world. In: Arkenbout, Chloë; de Zeeuw, Daniel and Wilson, Jack (Eds.): Critical Meme Reader: Global Mutations of the Viral Image. Institute of Network Cultures, Amsterdam 2021. pp. 101-106.

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Smith 1999: Smith, Linda Tuhiwai (1999): Decolonizing Methodologies: Research and Indigenous Peoples. Zed Books and University of Otago Press, London, New York and Dunedin 1999.

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Swolesome 2024: Swolesome (2024): James Somerton, White Qu33rness, and the Commodification of Leftism. [23.04.2024, 22:51].

SWR Science Talk 2023: SWR Science Talk (2023): So viel Gendern verträgt die Sprache. Christine Langer im Gespräch mit Carolin Müller-Spitzer. In: www.swr.de. URL: https://www.swr.de/swrkultur/wissen/soviel-gendern-vertraegt-die-sprache-carolin... [10.04.2024, 19:30].

Taha 2021: Taha, Karosh (2021): Was mache ich eigentlich hier? Eine Rechtfertigung. In: www.kupoge.de. URL: https://kupoge.de/blog/2021/01/27/was-mache-ich-eigentlich-hier-eine-rechtfertig... [11.04.2024, 16:48].

The Fat Culture Critic 2024: The Fat Culture Critic (2024): Leaving "The Left" Behind? (not like that). [22.04.2024, 22:04].

Thiele 2021: Thiele, Fredi (2021): Die Bedingungen der Niederlage. re:sonar verlag, Hannover 2021.

Tmava 2020: Tmava, Anile (2020): Neuronendrama I für Ensemble (eins – vierzehn) oder Der Kugelfisch. In: wortbau e.V. (Ed.): Dem Himmel gehen die Wolken aus. wortbau e.V., Berlin 2020. p. 157 [anti networking transparency disclaimer: i am one of the editors and contributors of this anthology].

Todd in the Shadows 2023: Todd in the Shadows (2023): I Fact-Checked The Worst Video Essayist On YouTube. [31.03.2024, 19:48].

Trépanier-Jobin 2017: Trépanier-Jobin, Gabrielle (2017): Video Game Parodies: Appropriating Video Games to Criticize Gender Norms. In: Malkowski, Jennifer and Russworm, TreaAndrea M. (Eds.): Gaming Representation: Race, Gender, and Sexuality in Video Games. Indiana University Press, Bloomington (IN) 2017. pp. 90-105.

verilybitchie 2021: verilybitchie (2021): How Bisexuality Changed Video Games.[17.04.2024, 22:34].

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Von Matt 2020: von Matt, Annemarie (2020): Meine Nacht schläft nicht. Ein Porträt in Originaltexten von Roger Perret. Limmat Verlag, Zürich 2020.

Voogt 2023: Voogt, Gerhard (2023): Kita-Kinder in NRW dürfen nicht „In der Weihnachtsbäckerei“ singen. In: www.ksta.de. URL: https://www.ksta.de/politik/nrw-politik/streit-um-gema-gebuehren-kita-kinder-in-... [10.04.2024, 16:06].

Washington Post 2022: Washington Post (2022): FIFA’s Infantino: I feel African, gay.[04.04.2024, 13:00].

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What’s So Great About That? 2018: What’s So Great About That? (2018): David Lynch: The Treachery of Language. [23.04.2024, 20:23].

Zaki 2016: Zaki, Michael Z. (2016): Doing social justice work and OCD, or why I’ve taken a breather from social justice despite finding it vital. In: www.medium.com. URL: https://medium.com/@mzzaki/doing-social-justice-work-and-ocd-or-why-ive-taken-a-...her-from-social-justice-despite-finding-644134115cc5 [20.04.2024, 16:28].

Zoe Bee 2024: Zoe Bee (2024): Plagiarism and the Death of the Video Essay.[23.04.2024, 22:51].


Selected Filmography

120 battements par minute [120 BPM]. Dir.: Robin Campillo, FRA 2017.

Ancha es Castilla / N’importe quoi. Dir.: Sergio Caballero, ESP 2014.

Cafarnaüm [Capernaum]. Dir.: Nadine Labaki, LBN 2018.

Capitalism in America: The Cult of Wealth. Dir.: Cédric Tourbe, FRA 2023.

Christine. Dir.: Antonio Campos, USA/GBR 2016.

Cinemania. Dir.: Angela Christlieb and Stephen Kijak, DEU/USA 2002.

Das melancholische Mädchen. Dir.: Susanne Heinrich, DEU 2019.

Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared. Dir.: Rebecca Sloan and Joseph Pelling, GBR 2012-.

Hardly Working. Dir.: Total Refusal, AUT 2022.

Ich bin Autist – Mein steiniger Weg zum passenden Job. Dir.: Elke Thiele, DEU 2022.

Inland Empire. Dir.: David Lynch, FRA/POL/USA 2006.

Min Börda [The Burden]. Dir.: Niki Lindroth Von Bahr, SWE 2017.

Nevrland. Dir.: Gregor Schmidinger, AUT 2019.

Om det oändliga [About Endlessness]. Dir.: Roy Andersson, SWE/DEU/NOR 2019.

Onirica – Psie pole [Onirica – Field of Dogs]. Dir.: Lech Majewski, POL 2014.

Pure. Dir.: Aneil Karia and Alicia MacDonald, CAN/USA 2017.

Scum Manifesto - J'ai tiré sur Andy Warhol [Scum Manifesto – I Shot Andy Warhol]. Dir.: Ovidie, FRA 2024.

So Pretty. Dir.: Jessie Jeffrey Dunn Rovinelli, USA/FRA 2019.

The Zone of Interest. Dir.: Jonathan Glazer, USA/GBR/POL 2023.

Touch Me Not. Dir.: Adina Pintilie, ROU/DEU/CZE/BGR/FRA 2018.

Twin Peaks: The Return. Developed by: David Lynch and Mark Frost, USA 2017.

Videodrome. Dir.: David Cronenberg, CAN/USA 1983.

Werk ohne Autor. Dir.: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, DEU 2018.

Vem ska knulla pappa? [Who Will Fuck Daddy?]. Dir.: Antiffa Vänsterfitta/Lasse Långström, SWE 2017.



Selected Gameography

Bully: Scholarship Edition. Rockstar New England, Microsoft Windows, Rockstar Games 2008.

Depression Quest. Zoë Quinn & Patrick Lindsey & Isaac Schankler, Microsoft Windows, The Quinnspiracy 2013.

Dishonored. Arkane Studios, Microsoft Windows, Bethesda Softworks 2012.

Embarrassment in the men’s bathroom. 翼比天高, web browser, 翼比天高 2023.

Everything. David OReilly, Microsoft Windows, David OReilly 2017.

Grand Theft Auto Online. Rockstar North, Microsoft Windows, Rockstar Games 2013.

He Fucked the Girl Out of Me. Taylor McCue, web browser, Taylor McCue 2022.

In 2023, I killed myself. anaël mae, web browser, anaël mae 2023.

punch putler. lorg, web browser, lorg 2023.

RollerCoaster Tycoon: Deluxe. Chris Sawyer Productions, Microsoft Windows, Atari 1999.

The Sinking City. Frogwares, Microsoft Windows, Frogwares 2021.



Selected Memeography

@000botanymemes000 via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C36RXwdu9yp/?igsh=MTFvcHpxNmNwNHB2

@abortedfetus133 via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5g8SYFhVVh/?igsh=ZnJmZnA5eXFrM2Qz

@acousticboiii via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C37xfX_rjUo/?igsh=MW5sdTFtZnR3NG4wYQ

@afffirmations via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5jIV3zNlB8/?igsh=ZTZ3andqemhycHM

@affirmationen.de via instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C39-rZVsocv/?igsh=MTUyZmZmYWlmYjZzZQ

https://www.instagram.com/p/C5VWFyJMeoH/?igsh=YTI3aGl4ZGszczh0

https://www.instagram.com/p/C5DfHfqMvY2/?igsh=MWJpc2l5MWtwNDFmbg

@agoraphobicyandere via instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C4Wtgmkulh-/?igsh=MTcwbHF2emN4dXZ3dQ

https://www.instagram.com/p/C4hhCDsOmhD/?igsh=MWs3ZDdtbXBidGx6

https://www.instagram.com/p/C416EcIOs1N/?igsh=aTYyMmt4dWVidzkx

https://www.instagram.com/p/C44TaENuQji/?igsh=cmkxbmc0eXBtdDNq

https://www.instagram.com/p/C2oTpFQum6s/?igsh=MTRid2s2ZHZvNTczbQ

@angycatto via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C4toDPbIMBl/?igsh=YnIybjJmeHhrazlv

@angryschizoboi via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C3z6qqQIpaT/?igsh=MWc2Z2s3b25neXhsaQ

@aubreemadeit via instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C4MWbYNP0T6/?igsh=dmczc3pncGs3eTg1

https://www.instagram.com/p/C5oDrFDLV2f/?igsh=anNuYTlwZ3JmejNm

https://www.instagram.com/p/C4zgMgoOmM3/?igsh=MWhuYnprczRrYmx2cA

@autistic.browniez via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C4WuvlrNl_C/?igsh=MXJxbXUwdnY4dzRwcw

@avantgardeboygirl via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5tv_oRu_Cv/?igsh=Z2gxOWt3NGF1dGhx

@booksididnt via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5WZisoowDI/?igsh=MTFkaTJsaW9janlheg

@butterflylips1111 via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5i7tgIt_P2/?igsh=bGw4dWNyYW15Y25w

@cats4yourmom via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C45eOEissC4/?igsh=MXYzM2tpYmJsaHUwbA

@concoctionary via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5BEP9Zu33D/?igsh=ZTVhNHhoaHgzNnky

@daily_sleeper via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C40luHEiLKE/?igsh=MTdzaGJuMTZvdzR1dQ

@deerinacage via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5YxHLKO179/?igsh=MTJ3Njl1ZTA3YnR2ZQ

@disturbingquotes via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5ygBtjLYId/?igsh=djRtOWNwbGEzNTZs

@disturbingzone via instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C4iY79AMQxn/?igsh=ZDF6b3hzYWZ4aWpk

https://www.instagram.com/p/C4tAOagMMfg/?igsh=NzRiOGI1ZWlxcWhw

@dosenbier_und_schabernack via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5c-3_Gsbeu/?igsh=MXNubjQ5NmdtdGhleA

@etherships via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5VAgSjr13E/?igsh=MWY5aHZ4cm80NnRhaQ

@freeze_magazine via instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C4vSCg3oQj_/?igsh=OHZnNzEwMDNyejFi

https://www.instagram.com/p/C0kLxeHI0gn

@fuckadvertisements via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C4tYH2bA_gt/?igsh=MTBkMXZ4eWd1Zmp0ZQ

@funny.cute.rabbit via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C0kE4fkqD1e/?igsh=YzVidjI5eHl3c2Np

@fuvk.mp4 via instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C3_AvEDyeI2/?igsh=OTAwaXNybnlxMmVk

https://www.instagram.com/p/C4LWuMOrhJu/?igsh=MXdtcTA5aWV5MXduZg

https://www.instagram.com/p/C5ziR2gRa3l/?igsh=MWJ4bnQ5cmEza250cg

@galaxygreenleaf via instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C4f6SwDOw3c/?igsh=MWc3M2w2eHJoNHpxdg

https://www.instagram.com/p/C4_7dDvtlNE/?igsh=MWdvM3FsNGJuNnlsaA

@girlworldjpg via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C3qY19Xowie/?igsh=a2hjNjA2NHo3MnFi

@grapejuiceboys via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C4ymkGguB2a/?igsh=OGtvbnd0ZW44Yjk1

@hiroko__yamamura via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C31JlS2Ptyg/?igsh=ZXVvZW9wMmg4YXlh

@hiroshimas.verstrahlter.junge via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4qTJq9te88/?igsh=bGxyajhhbDJ4dDhj

@hot_priest via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C4tAyApu6ix/?igsh=MWRzbDQ1em8xb2pjZg

@icanhascheezburgerz via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5BItN9KhOc/?igsh=Ym41aG05dXNiM3c2

@imgur via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5e71kLt24H/?igsh=aGcyOTUyZjl3c2dy reposting @aleia https://www.instagram.com/p/C4tJzc-uYC0/?igsh=MXZrNmJhMXN3czNhYQ

@isitworthitmemes via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5BgzNbLpd5/?igsh=NzM4dm9yeWdldjJj

@jeffluvesmilfs via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C4QmcIgLX6x/?igsh=MTkwYWc1NWNqZ2R5cg

@keepitsupershanti via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5hRVcEvq4b/?igsh=MWVybTNmdmx6Znhldg

@kingcattos via instagram: reposting @icattos https://www.instagram.com/p/C5D_qTCNFbq/?igsh=djBwZHkybmpsN255

@lifesubstancee via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C4mcwWmN468/?igsh=NnRyN3Fqa2t6N25v

@literallymecats via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C38__a4stbA/?igsh=MWh6aTY0OGRmNGd6dg

@massive.archive via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5BuOskuUMc/?igsh=MXFwNmxybXQ4bnBhdw

@meltdown_your_books via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C56aGajuGq3/?igsh=eWRpYWFvbXlpeXVs

@mylifeisupsetting via instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C1VAfd4Rc_F/?igsh=MXJqZHZuanY0MGVqcQ

https://www.instagram.com/p/C1f2F7fL7E1/?igsh=MWN2cTdjYTUwc2pncQ

https://www.instagram.com/p/C1xfz6kxw7b/?igsh=YTNsZ2g0bDl0ZW9v

https://www.instagram.com/p/C4_wGZ9LY8e/?igsh=MTQ1d3A3ajNxMGM4OA

https://www.instagram.com/p/C5qhVPsr9xt/?igsh=YW9mZWdwMGtlNXYw

@neurominds_ via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C3lfSbeMsy-/?igsh=YmVwZmpuZm84NHd4

@nochillmorty via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5QDKNSOH01/?igsh=NXNwZnJmc3NxdW82

@officialsadbeige via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5vq0raOG_f/?igsh=cnd4b2ZtMnJkcWh6

@openlygayanimals via instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C4eCyGiSOzb/?igsh=eXgwejdkd2ppMnJz

https://www.instagram.com/p/C5WmqszS_h8/?igsh=ZzBjZnphZG9pbnQ4

https://www.instagram.com/p/C5srHxeL9gW/?igsh=MTF1dHQ1bnBwM3dldQ

@petsruletheuniverse2 via instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C31aLxVM4Cd/?igsh=eGJjbzN0M2dzZjk0

https://www.instagram.com/p/C5B-GCHPydW/?igsh=MWNmZ3FyYXdwOHRqYQ

https://www.instagram.com/p/C339v1ns6dy/?igsh=OG5razR4ODBkd3g0

@pingu via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5Gu7-CNr9O/?igsh=MWgxZWI1cmkxNzg5Yg

@rrmeggy via instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C4Tdjdsv6zr/?igsh=MW04eHVwbzZtNHcxYw

https://www.instagram.com/p/C4qfc1FRVRl/?igsh=eHl4MmtlZ2hmM3h4

https://www.instagram.com/p/C48H10jrM1u/?igsh=NGd0cHRkZG1wc2l6

@sadeleuze via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C4qhNUUo134/?igsh=NGhrYjBibTEwZHVq

@saltymemewitch via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C46rZhVPm51/?igsh=cHQ4OGh4NGhmcXE4

@softcatmemes via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C40w4TVpVEo/?igsh=MWZnNm9oNGZ5eGNzdA

@softcore_trauma via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C4jdw4oP0n0/?igsh=bmM0ZXN0dDdlNzUx

@sveamaus via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C4apfNGMada/?igsh=MXE2a29pcWtpeWVhZw

@sveltecore via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5V863Vr44R/?igsh=NW50dTE4Y3RjenFy

@tierevomblock via instagram

@todaywasmybirthday via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/todaywasmybirthday/p/C4YqvKgPJnn/

@tofuminati via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5TR6BeOimV/?igsh=NGJlMGRrMTdnM3Jw

@toxische_pommes via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cue845HMDQy/?igsh=bmx3cHVncG1yc2Y5

@uncrustable.memess via instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/p/C3oNO5eAYMN/?igsh=MW0zZnFlcmNiNDY2bg

https://www.instagram.com/p/C4bmcW_PiKC/?igsh=MXg0dXpma2Q4NWVjcg

https://www.instagram.com/p/C3-34rZv4lX/?igsh=MXhlbGRlZzR4dTdocQ

@urlocalmilfuckerr via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C3liyH-ILk5/?igsh=ZWxxa3N1YzgxY3o0

@we.dont.really.exist via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C38q-c1q37K/?igsh=MTVkbjFlbTAwZHh5aA

@zeobat via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C48_ZoSNzdZ/?igsh=MTNpc3V5b2w1dmpoYQ

@zspongeb0bb via instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C37jYF_oB8J/?igsh=MW5pZ2NocjZvaG40eA


* * * * *


via reddit r/oblivion https://www.reddit.com/r/oblivion/comments/15384dd/do_you_prefer_dementia_or_mania/

edit of image via reddit r/LateStageCapitalism https://www.reddit.com/r/LateStageCapitalism/comments/7prme4/it_is_easier_to_imagine_the_end_of_the_world_than/

edit of image via reddit r/Letterboxd https://www.reddit.com/r/Letterboxd/comments/15buvkz/what_are_your_comfort_movies/

„God’s favourite twink“-meme twitter @sarahschauer


* * * * *

Brigitte 1906: Dies Blatt gehört der Hausfrau

Cinema Garmonbozia 2017: Cinema Garmonbozia (2017): Twin Peaks - Dig yourself out of the shit for $29.99. [16.04.2024, 22:13].

DailyPicksandFlicks 2021: DailyPicksandFlicks (2021): Cat Gags Smelling Sour Cream. [13.04.2024, 19:15].

Fun Time 2021: Fun Time (2021): Here's a Beaver carrying a carrot and a head of lettuce back to his home. [18.04.2024, 16:06].

GameSpot 2012: GameSpot (2012): Far Cry 3 - Definition of Insanity Cutscene Gameplay (Xbox 360). [18.04.2024, 16:24].

hoarytimes 2007: hoarytimes (2007): EA Games - Challenge Everything. [17.04.2024, 22:30].

KaffeeKraemer 2022: KaffeeKraemer (2022): wir freuen uns, schauen wir mal was wird. [19.04.2024, 19:06].

Lotz 2016: Lotz, Wolfram (2016): Einige Nachrichten an das All. In: Emmerling, Friederike and von Lieven, Stefanie (Eds.): Der große Marsch – Einige Nachrichten an das All – Die lächerliche Finsternis: Drei Stücke. S. Fischer, Frankfurt am Main 2016. pp. 73-157.

Penguin Random House Verlagsgruppe GmbH 2019: Penguin Random House Verlagsgruppe GmbH (2019): Hanns-Josef Ortheil in Torcello (Venedig). [18.04.2024, 19:49].

rsvfox 2012: rsvfox (2012): James Martin, Saturday Kitchen - delicious dick! [14.04.2024, 16:53].

Saville Productions 2014: Saville Productions (2014): Werner Herzog on Chickens. [20.04.2024, 14:45].

Simpsons Chalkboard Generator, URL: https://www.thewordfinder.com/simpsons-chalkboard/ [24.04.2024, 01:34].

skottt 2023: skottt (2023): every warren the eagle ok stop. [16.04.2024, 20:59].

SkyCorp Home Video: Wide World of Web Series

Useless Farm 2022: Useless Farm (2022): Poor sweet thing. [24.04.2024, 00:14].

Western Dragonfly 2023: Western Dragonfly (2023): Toad Sings Chandelier by Sia | #toad #nintendo #sia #chandelier #song. [18.04.2024, 19:31].

Yadro Green Screen 2023: Yadro Green Screen (2023): Green Screen Talking Cats Meme | Relationship Cats Meme. [18.04.2024, 20:36].

* * * * *

DAS IST DER SOUNNNND!!!!!!!!

As an additional soundtrack to vibe to, here is one from the movie Confessions of a Child of the Century (Dir.: Sylvie Verheyde, FRA/GER/GBR 2012) (which is btw a surprisingly interesting watch considering it is a heteroromantic movie with rather standard aesthetics for my taste) (the media department of Hildesheim University has a focus on film studies, that's why I know stuff about film, but I was also interested in non-normative movies way before my bachelor's & special interest & so on)

Also: It’s Okay To Cry by SOPHIE // Crazy by Gnarls Barkley // Dead But Pretty by IC3PEAK

(When will I release the most ultimate game experience of pure poetology in the form of a literary-theatrical-spatial video game that I could ever make? Maybe in 10 years. Maybe 20. IT WILL IT WILL IT WILL!!!)


WER ZULETZT LACHT LACHT AM BESTEN / IHR FICKER*INNEN!!!!!!!

DEUS EX INTERNET

NOW WAKE ME UP WHEN SEPTEMBER 2024 ENDS


Updated 10 days ago
Published 21 days ago
StatusReleased
CategoryBook
Authorluka
Made withUnity
TagsAltgame, Art Book, artgame, FMV, Queer, Text based
Average sessionDays or more
LanguagesGerman, English
InputsKeyboard, Mouse

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Click download now to get access to the following files:

Männer, sagte ich und seufzte_Luka Friedland_DEUTSCH.pdf 24 MB
Men, I said and sighed_Luka Friedland_ENGLISH.pdf 25 MB
Maenner sagte ich_Men I said_Win.zip 986 MB
Maener sagte ich_Men I said_Linux.zip 907 MB
Maenner sagte ich_Men I said_Mac.app.zip 992 MB